TV makes you the Smarterest

Yo mama so dumb I told her it’s chile outside, she went and got a bowl…

Every so often people will ask me questions like “Oh dude did you watch Walking Dead last night?”  Because I am a bit of a smartass I’ll respond along the lines of “Nah, why?  Who’s wedding did I miss?”  Or more likely, I’ll be at a social gathering and the conversation will turn to some TV show like Game of Thrones, Orange is the New Black, or whatever TV show is totally rad at the moment.  They will talk about the plot twists, characters getting killed off, all the stuff that goes along with a show’s following…and I will have no f**king clue as to what they are talking about.  I really do try to awkwardly fit in. I join the convo like “Oh yeah, I hate when I buy oranges and they sit too long and turn black.  But, why is that new?” 

Good thing I am a bit of a smartass so they think I’m joking.  If they only knew….I don’t watch that much TV.  It gets even worse with movies!  I haven’t seen an adult movie in over a year….wait, I just read that sentence again…I don’t mean adult movie as in “Adult Movie”….I watch those all the time….I mean like a movie that isn’t made by Disney, Pixar, DreamWorks, Sony….all I watch are kid movies because I have twins.  Now, don’t get me wrong, there are some great kid movies out there, and I think I can speak Minion now.  But the point is when my friends and family talk about the most recent release, all I can do is smile and nod like I am that guy who doesn’t speak the language but wants to be engaged in the conversation…like when they laugh, I laugh too…if they make a frowny face, I’m right there along with them like “grrrrrr”…but comprehending nada…No man, I don’t know any of the Avengers, I don’t know Black Panther, I have not seen Wonder Woman, Batman vs. Superman, Gaga vs. Gigi…I have no time.  I take that back.  

If I want to take a nap I look for whichever Harry Potter movie is playing on Demand and I sleep like a baby…all apologies to you Harry nerds out there, not hating on your hero, but his 3 hour movies are like Nyquil followed by a shot of whiskey…ZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzz…I wake up just in time to watch him throw that invisibility ring into the volcano while the underfed Xoloitzcuintli (look it up) falls into lava…I guess what I am saying is, I just don’t have time to commit to a full series or 2 hours to spare watching hot dudes and hot chicks run around in tights. 

I do however have 60 minutes to watch Travel Channel…and I watch the sh*t out of that!!  Among their fine program offerings, I like to see all those food paradise shows and I happened to recently catch one about Hatch Chiles from the Southwest.  They show dudes roasting them, making them into salsa, all kinds of badass recipes that make me wish we had some here.  Which is why I was fully stoked when about a month ago I stopped into my local grocer and saw massive bins of Hatch Chiles cold chillin’ in the produce aisle.  I didn’t even know how to act, I got all giddy like a kid at his birthday…just fumblin’ over my words… “Katch Spilees, smatch fillies, Hatch Chiles!!”  I geek out over the dumbest things.  So the point is, I got like 3 bags full and busted home like I found the leprechaun’s pot of gold and I had just ran over, kicked the leprechaun in his Irish Spring and jacked that thing.  Once I got home, I got to work and came up with this….

Chile Verde in the House

  • 12 hatch chiles roasted
  • ½ onion rough cut (I knows how you likes it rough)
  • 2 strips of boneless country spare ribs cut into cubes
  • Chile powder to taste
  • Adobo seasoning to taste
  • Cumin to taste
  • Oregano to taste

What you first want to do is get the chiles roasted or at least softened up so they can be blended.  You can do this a number of ways.  You can put them in the oven at broil for a little bit until the skins turn black.  You can boil them in a pot of water.  I chose to put them on the grill because well…that just sounded like the thing to do.  It took about 20 minutes for them to get soft and turn the color I wanted.  Once you have them roasted, just cut the stem off, put them in a blender, add the spices to your individual liking, add like half a cup of water and hit frappe!  I mean, blend at a high rate allowing the peppers to turn into a smooth sauce.

Place the cubed spare ribs into a crock pot, and cover with the pepper sauce from the blender.  Next throw the onions on top, and cook low until the meat is fork tender.  It took mine about 7 hours but I had it low.  You can do the high setting on your crockpot if you don’t have 7 hours.  Once it is done, you can do all kinds of neat stuff.  You can put it with Spanish rice and a tortilla.  You can cut some up and put in on nachos, or in a dang quesadilla.  You can plate it with beans and an over easy eggy weg for breakfast.  Basically you can do all types of cool stuff, use your imagination.

So, what have we learned today except a new way to catch Z’s?  Basically, I learned to find inspiration from watching TV and translate it into a passion I have been nurturing for years.  So…TAKE THAT PARENTS TELEVISION COUNCIL!!  Don’t tell me I need books…I am just fine with my hour of TV time.  Who cares that I graduated with a 2.5 high school GPA and it took me 6 years to finish college but not come out a doctor or lawyer…but rather a Spanish major. A juevo!  I got the second best education the Tacoma School District couldn’t afford.  Well boys and girls that’s it for this one.  Until next time, stay cool.

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